What is holding me back?
Picking up the magnifying glass from my desk, I used it to take a closer look at my external self. Inspecting the blemishes that now appear on my hands and arms from years of sunbathing. The aging process that is highlighting the lines around my eyes, little strands of gray hair peeking through my dyed locks and the thinning eyebrows that cause me to spend too much time analyzing their importance. Approaching a birthday, another trip around the sun, almost always seems to cause me to focus attention on such things, I suppose.
After much introspection on outward appearances, I decided that I needed to redirect my attention to something that I had more control over, and that was my spiritual self. The flaws, blemishes and wounds that we cannot see with the naked eye. I asked myself what was taking place internally in the depths of my soul? What does that look like? Are my scars healed and do I still have wounds that never healed? If I could look inside, what would I see and would I like what I saw?
Several years ago, I wrote and self-published my personal memoir titled, “Blemished but Not Broken.” Writing a very personal story about my life that led me on a path of self-healing and transformation. Putting my story on paper was one that took a great deal of courage, as I was fearful of what people may think and would anyone believe my story. My memoir that I wrote, came directly from my heart and I was pleasantly surprised by the reception that it received upon its release. The most comforting fact was that other people could relate to my circumstances. It was a heartwarming experience to have readers step forward to share their personal stories with me. My initial purpose for writing my book was to help other people that were held in similar circumstances, but the overall result was that I ended up helping myself. The book was published in 2017, its now 2022 and I ask myself why I stopped writing and what happened during that time frame?
I now know what happened…I was healing, and I felt like I had nothing to else to say. I had spewed out everything from the depths of my soul, and I felt like I was done. Totally done. But oh, you are never done, as there is always so much more.
I recently saw an advertised writing course pop up on my Facebook page and It inspired me to enroll in the course. It was an ad for a year-long writing course about your true authentic self, promoting you to dig deep beneath the surface. I thought what a great opportunity to continue on my writing journey. So here I am, my first lesson is to write about what is holding you back. The only thing holding me back is of course, myself.
With that in mind, I decided not to get in my own way, as I have already been able to overcome a lot of obstacles in my life. I have been thinking about blogging off and on for a year now, so decided to give it a try. You see, a year ago I started to write another book, and I got stuck, I had two books compiled as one, and I needed to choose a direction. As a result of my indecision, I just stopped writing all together. So, for me, this is a new start, and we will see where this leads me. I have always believed that you have to face your fears and just keep moving forward. My entire life I have been climbing hills, when I stop to reflect along the way, I find that something amazing usually happens. I see or understand something that I didn’t know before as a result, and a transformation of some type usually takes place. The last time I climbed a mountain, I wrote a book and healed from past traumas along the way.
My biggest supporter has always been my wonderful husband, best friend and partner of twenty-seven years. Richard, who is most encouraging to me cheering me on to pursue my dreams and achieve my goals. I thank my family and friends, both new and old that read my book and held me up along the way. I invite you to follow me on my next journey as I share little stories, and short essays about my life. Most are reflections on life in general, others are written about healing and transformation. The course that I am enrolled in will hopefully help me with some topics of conversation. I hope that you even get a laugh or two along the way, as we all need some humor to lighten us up a bit during these trying times in which were living. My greatest hope is, that I will inspire you to share your story, as we all have a story.
Blemished But Not Broken 